Reva Rubin’s Three Phases is a theory that helps us understand the emotional and psychological changes that women go through during pregnancy and after giving birth. It’s a way to explain the different stages of becoming a mother. 
Reva Rubin’s Three Phases provide a framework for understanding the emotional journey and evolving roles that women experience as they transition into motherhood. It emphasizes the importance of support, self-care, and the gradual process of adjusting to the demands and joys of caring for a child.
Phase 1 is called the “Taking in” phase. Imagine you just baked a delicious cake, and you can’t wait to taste it. In this phase, new moms are like that cake—they’re focused on themselves and their own needs. They may feel tired and overwhelmed after giving birth, so they need time to rest and recover. It’s like taking a break and letting others take care of them, just like enjoying the first slice of that cake. Taking-In Phase is also called the “dependent” phase. This phase occurs immediately after childbirth. During this time, the new mother is primarily focused on her own needs. She may feel exhausted, physically and emotionally, and requires rest and recovery. In this phase, she relies heavily on others for support and assistance, often depending on healthcare professionals and family members to care for her and the baby.
The mother spends much of her time reflecting on the birth experience and processing her emotions surrounding it. This phase can be compared to “taking in” or absorbing the experience.
Phase 2 is the “Taking hold” phase. Now, imagine you’re ready to share that cake you baked with your friends. In this phase, new moms start to take charge and become more confident in their role as a mother. They want to learn how to take care of their baby and they become more involved in feeding, changing diapers, and bonding with their little one. It’s like sharing that cake and enjoying the satisfaction of seeing others enjoy it too. The Taking-Hold Phase also known as the “dependent-independent” phase. This phase typically begins within a few days after birth and lasts for several weeks. In this phase, the new mother becomes more confident and actively engages in caring for her baby. She starts to take on responsibilities and learns practical skills related to infant care, such as feeding, bathing, and soothing. The mother may seek guidance from healthcare professionals, parenting resources, or experienced family members during this phase.
She becomes more comfortable in her role as a caregiver and starts to establish a bond with her baby. This phase can be compared to “taking hold” or actively embracing the tasks and responsibilities of motherhood.
Finally, Phase 3 is known as the “Letting go” phase. Picture yourself giving away the last slice of your delicious cake. In this phase, new moms start to regain their independence and adjust to their new identity as a mother. Even though there are some common challenges that new moms may face during the “Letting go” phase, this stage is all about the oneself. They become more comfortable with leaving their baby with others and may start thinking about going back to work or pursuing other interests. It’s like letting go of that cake and moving forward with new experiences and opportunities. Letting-Go Phase is also known as the “interdependent” phase. This phase typically occurs several weeks after birth and continues for months or even years. In this phase, the mother gradually shifts her focus from primarily caring for the baby to reclaiming her own independence and identity. She starts to find a balance between her role as a mother and her personal aspirations and interests. The mother may begin to explore options for returning to work, pursuing hobbies, or engaging in social activities outside of caregiving. This phase involves letting go of the intense attachment and constant vigilance associated with early motherhood and allowing others to participate in the care of the child.
It is a period of personal growth and finding a sense of self beyond motherhood while maintaining a loving and supportive relationship with the child.
So, Reva Rubin’s Three Phases is a way to understand the journey of becoming a mother—from focusing on oneself, to actively caring for the baby, and finally finding a balance between motherhood and personal growth.
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